What the hell have you been up to?
Oh, you know. Wiping up my toddler's puke, trying to catch some sleep here and there, and shaking my head in amazement at the furore over a giraffe.
Are you talking about beautiful Marius, the giraffe killed by Copenhagen Zoo for having the 'wrong' genes?
That's the one.
You monster! Call yourself ethical. Why didn't you feel sadness with the rest of us when you heard the news?
I did. My problem is that most of the people who felt sadness will feel no sadness about their next meal of dead cow or pig or sheep.
But it's a giraffe! A majestic, intelligent and cuddly beast of the wild with a name, not a grunting farm animal bred for food.
They both would have suffered and felt pain and fear when killed.
But at least there was a point to the deaths of the cow and pig and sheep. They provided food.
No one in the Western world would go hungry if meat wasn't available, so deaths for food are utterly senseless and barbaric. The fact is, people are sad because the giraffe was cute-looking. It's not ethical to place value on animals according to how adorable or not you think they are.
What are you going to do, police people's minds?
No, silly. I'm going to encourage people to go vegan. If everyone went vegan, no animals would be killed senselessly. In addition, there would be enough food in the world for everyone.
Here we go, the vegan schmegan stuff. I'm surprised you have the energy to type. Haven't you got anything less depressing to say?
Er... well, I'm working on an exciting new project with my best friend Graham, so I won't be around here for a while.
Is it about being vegan?
Thank God for that. Right, time for my steak dinner.
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